Things both better and worse here. Better because
things are going more smoothly at work now that I think I know what I’m doing
(although still batshit terrified of boss’s judgment – am writing this while
avoiding interacting with her by pretending to still be on yesterday’s
project), and because an end is finally in sight (less than three weeks!)
Better because I got to write a little bit for work, thus re-establishing my sense that there is at least
one thing I know how to do alright. Better because I befriended Old Man Lunch Club and they don't think I'm a fool. Better because I finally got internet at
home! Much rejoicing! Slight amelioration of isolation and ennui!!!
I can’t believe it took over a month to get internet. Well, yes, I can. The thing was, I never saw my landlady, despite the fact that she lives upstairs. I often heard her, though (1:30 a.m. shower in the bathroom directly above my bed, furniture assembly complete with power tools at 5:30 a.m., etc.). And the one time I did see her, she promised to get back to me with the wifi password, but never did. So did I track her down and assert my rights as a paying tenant to internet service? That hardly sounds like me, does it? No. Did I wait til she and her family were out of the house on July 4th, then sneak upstairs, search in vain for a router, and then finally hack a computer to find the password? You betcha.
It was definitely a “look at your life, look at your choices” kind of moment. I realize that the simpler and not crazy thing would’ve just been to find her and ask, but I know that would’ve been awkward for me and I already know I’m crazy, so might as well run with it. I’m aware I make things much harder than they have to be because I’m weird like that, but what can I do? I always think of Yul Brynner’s character in the old Anastasia when he says something to the effect of, “What is difficult for most men is simple to me. What is simple for most men to do is impossible for me.”
It’s not all sunshine and Youtube, though. A dark cloud of depression hovers overhead due to the recent exodus of QB to the west, never to return. Well, maybe to return at selected holidays, and at this point my plan is to leave the car idling in the auditorium parking lot on graduation day so I can speed out to NM immediately following the ceremony, but regardless I won’t see her for quite awhile, and never every day like we were used to doing (til I move in to her garden shed, anyway). Our relationship was magic in a way that only the sudden recognition of a kindred spirit can enable, and her devotion to providing me with snark, chocolate, and motivation is largely what got me through this past year. She listened to me, helped me, and tried to straighten me out as best she could. Most importantly, she gave me what I always wanted but never believed I deserved: the complete and undivided attention of another person. I don’t know how I’ll get along without her. Fare thee well, noble BFFL. I am eternally grateful. I’ll see you on the other side (of the country).
I can’t believe it took over a month to get internet. Well, yes, I can. The thing was, I never saw my landlady, despite the fact that she lives upstairs. I often heard her, though (1:30 a.m. shower in the bathroom directly above my bed, furniture assembly complete with power tools at 5:30 a.m., etc.). And the one time I did see her, she promised to get back to me with the wifi password, but never did. So did I track her down and assert my rights as a paying tenant to internet service? That hardly sounds like me, does it? No. Did I wait til she and her family were out of the house on July 4th, then sneak upstairs, search in vain for a router, and then finally hack a computer to find the password? You betcha.
It was definitely a “look at your life, look at your choices” kind of moment. I realize that the simpler and not crazy thing would’ve just been to find her and ask, but I know that would’ve been awkward for me and I already know I’m crazy, so might as well run with it. I’m aware I make things much harder than they have to be because I’m weird like that, but what can I do? I always think of Yul Brynner’s character in the old Anastasia when he says something to the effect of, “What is difficult for most men is simple to me. What is simple for most men to do is impossible for me.”
It’s not all sunshine and Youtube, though. A dark cloud of depression hovers overhead due to the recent exodus of QB to the west, never to return. Well, maybe to return at selected holidays, and at this point my plan is to leave the car idling in the auditorium parking lot on graduation day so I can speed out to NM immediately following the ceremony, but regardless I won’t see her for quite awhile, and never every day like we were used to doing (til I move in to her garden shed, anyway). Our relationship was magic in a way that only the sudden recognition of a kindred spirit can enable, and her devotion to providing me with snark, chocolate, and motivation is largely what got me through this past year. She listened to me, helped me, and tried to straighten me out as best she could. Most importantly, she gave me what I always wanted but never believed I deserved: the complete and undivided attention of another person. I don’t know how I’ll get along without her. Fare thee well, noble BFFL. I am eternally grateful. I’ll see you on the other side (of the country).
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